Dating after death of a spouse
And just as one can take from a flame to light more candles without diminishing the original flame, so too a person can give of him/herself, touching many lives, without ever being diminished.
The wick and the flame are also compared to the body and soul, and the strong bond between them.
We experience an overall feeling of physical discomfort as we totally focus on the soul of the one who has departed.
We de-emphasize our own physicality by not pampering our bodies, so we remember that what we are missing at this time is not the physical person who is gone, but the essence of who that person was, which of course is their soul.
If this is not possible, designate one home as the shiva house, and those who cannot sleep there may leave after dark to go home, and return to the shiva house early in the morning.
Mourners should ideally not leave the shiva house at any time.
It is best for mourners to move into the shiva house together for the week.
Because people do not know, and because talking about death makes people nervous and awkward, the shiva house often turns into a festive gathering filled with nervous chatter, instead of the proper house of mourning.
The laws of mourning have the purpose of focusing a person on their own spirituality.
Again, shiva is a deeply personal time of reflection, coming to terms with loss and grief, and contemplating the inner spiritual dimensions of life.
The workplace draws our thoughts and feelings outward, thus if at all possible, should be avoided.